A Minecraft Movie

Ok before I review this, this is perhaps the most insane screening I’ve ever been in. Which is saying something as I’ve been to multiple premieres at film festivals, and have been to opening nights for a lot of blockbusters, but this… nothing prepared me for this.

Nearly every seat was full, in a huge screen. Half of which were teenage boys. If not for these teenagers I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed this nearly half as much. They were screaming and cheering every five minutes like Cap had just grabbed Thor’s hammer. At one point in the film half of the screen erupted out of their seats cheering. I’ve genuinely not experienced anything like this.

In part it made this film bearable, as it’s truly horrible, but also it did encourage this disruptive behaviour which I’m not a fan of. I’m all for screaming and cheering, especially at a movie clearly as bad as this, and quite frankly the added noises helped in the bad scenes, but this evolving into throwing sweets at the screen which ended up just hitting people let’s maybe not.

Outwith this experience, I’m genuinely shocked this movie exists. I’m not even sure you could call this a movie. It’s more like a thin narrative which has been crafted by so many hands that it doesn’t feel real. The plot makes no sense in a lot of places, things just happen to get characters from plot point to plot point. This really isn’t a movie to give too much thought and it will all fall apart the moment you do.

It’s sad since we have had movies based on video games which have worked, maybe it’s because narratives are baked into those video games whereas Minecraft doesn’t really have a story. But then again we’ve had IP movies which are based of just the existence of an IP like Barbie, which have found really creative ways into the story. This film just isn't interested in doing more than it has to, in order to make people cheer and leave with no lasting impact. Why? Well that’s cause this will make money.

I will say this film is carried by the sheer dedication of the actors, well some of the actors. Jack Black is doing the most insane performance here and it works with just how mad this world is. Jason Momoa is also really fun, and works with what he’s given. The rest of the characters are rough and the actors have a hard time improving on what they were given. In particular the female characters really suffer here, the movie finds a way to get rid of them, which doesn’t make any sense, and then proceeds to give them nothing.

I really don’t have much good to say about this, it’s just a bad blockbuster. Some interesting CGI, among some really bad CGI, if anything this was just fun to watch to laugh at how insane it was. Jack Black and Jason Momoa sixty nine in this… I guess movies are gonna be ok