Jungle Cruise

Don’t you just love when your main characters are one dimensional stereotypes: the girlboss, the gay and the Rock. The majority of the jokes, throughout this far too long of a runtime film, are all based on making fun of the characters in incredibly unfunny ways. JACK WHITEHALL IS POSH. Get it. Ha ha ha. Why aren’t you laughing?

Who doesn’t love casual sexism, homophobia and racism? Cause this movie’s jammed packed with “subtle” jabs at all sorts of people. The girlbossification of Lily was absurd. That was her one personality trait and the film rammed that down your throat every chance it got. The thing that annoys me further is that the end of the film then completely undoes the character they’ve set up. She basically crumbles at the end and falls in love with the male protagonist, when throughout the film this hasn’t really been a focus. She sacrificed what she’d been working on for years, something that would get her noticed, for a man she met a few days ago.

This has been a trend in films, specifically blockbusters, recently where instead of having a damsel in distress get saved and slowly fall in love with their saviour. They do the exact same story but just make the woman independent in the beginning and then suddenly flip at the end. Both are highly problematic, why not just write well rounded women? But the latter is more jarring as there’s just no character arc completely.

Also did I mention there’s a gay man in this? Disney’s first one!!! This is definitely the representation people have been begging for. Every single character was just so uninteresting to watch, you end up feeling nothing for them and the acting did nothing to improve them. Emily Blunt was surprisingly awful in this as I’m usually a fan of her and the Rock was the Rock.

Also visually one of the worst blockbusters I’ve seen. Some of the most egregious CGI could be found in every single scene of this film. The excessive use of bad green screen pulled you out of even the most basic scenes just cause it’s so distracting. Nothing in this world felt real and that is a huge problem.

I get this is based on a ride (whatever the fuck that means) but it felt incredibly dated, from the characters to the awful heightened German villain to the awful awful awful awful jokes. This film upset me, not even Disney’s original live action films are good, this was a crime to screenwriting