Lilies Not for Me

EIFF - Film #2

Going into this I had no real idea of what the story was going to be. I was aware, given the period, that perhaps this wasn't going to be one of those blossoming queer love stories that ends happily, and right from the outset that's apparent. However, what starts off leading you down one path, is actually a winding, bending road which has many detours - and properly jaw dropping surprises - along the way.

This feature film debut from Will Seefried is spectacular, and honestly very hard to believe it's a debut. It falls into the camp of debuts recently, like Past Lives, which are so fully realised and confident in their storytelling, it's simply hard to believe it's someone's first piece of work. Hearing him speak after this screening, it's clear how passionate he is about telling queer stories, and this emanates through the film.

It's a piece of work which feels seeped in history, as evident by the copious amount of research needed to document a period of time which would have been relatively unreported on, but it also feels so human. The story being told, while constrained to the period of history it takes place in, feels so relevant to queer stories now.

I don't think there's a single moment in history since this point where a story like this wouldn't be relevant. While the film deals specifically with testicular transplants - something I was completely unaware of - it speaks to the larger idea of conversion therapy, and perhaps more relevant to us now is the idea of internal conversion and that being either forced upon queer people by society at large, by other queer people who are uncomfortable in their own queerness, or by ourselves.

The relevancy of this film lies simply in this being a complicated queer story. For the majority of the film three queer characters are explored, who are all well realised and have differing perspectives on their queerness. One who wishes to live freely as he believes there is nothing wrong with who he is, one who lives in secret but is happy to do so and another so fractured and broken, he seeks to relieve himself of what he views is something to be mended.

No queer person is the same, and no queer experience is, and I think in stories of the past an idea of a monolithic queer person is created in some lesser films. It was entirely refreshing to see how each of these men dealt with their queerness, and while it is historical, I think it speaks volumes that this type of story is relevant today.

The film doesn't shy away from the darkness which faced queer people at this time, and yet it also doesn't neglect the light which was also found. It's something so admirable about this film is that it tells its story plainly and allows subject matter to dictate your feelings. There's moments of true horror in here, stuff that will make you squirm, but there's also moments of tenderness, of human expression, scenes which highlight the beauty of queer love.

It's a testament to the cinematography of the film, and the choices made to make all of the scenes keep a similar visual language. Minus the hospital scenes, shot entirely differently to show a contrast in environments, all of the scenes which are following Owen's relationships with these men are shot so similarly. It's very naturalistic and there's an emphasis on human flesh, using close ups and lingering shots. It's genius as this language doesn't change but what's being said is, and this results in such visceral scenes, whether its scenes showing the intimacy between men or the stark scenes of

This is all as successful as it is because of the performances as well. Robert Aramayo is excellent at performing this supressed idea of queerness and a desire to rid yourself of love. Louis Hofmann is a brilliant addition to the ensemble and adds this new layer of how queer men were around this time. But hats off to Fionn O'Shea who helms this film with an incredible performance. He does a lot which is unsaid, it's very much a fully realised human who he is playing, and he just expertly expresses such complex emotions

I would be remised if I also didn't touch upon the role of women in this film as I think it's the first queer film to truly nail female characters. It would be very easy to dismiss these women and focus on the story of the queer men, many have before, but I think what Seefried does so lovely is also give the space and autonomy for these women to be fully realised people. Jodi Balfour, who plays the wife of one of the men, is only in the film for a short amount of time, but instead of being villainised as the evil wife, or her casting hate towards the lover of her husband, her emotions are far more complex and nuanced. She shares something in coming with this man, that they both loved her husband. I just thought it was a genius decision to have her have more than a singular attitude towards this man.

I mean the more interesting of the female characters is Erin Kellyman, who plays a nurse assigned to treat Owen. I also had no idea that this was a role which woman played in history but how fascinatingly written her character is, also given the fact that she's not on screen for long. These women would be assigned to go on dates with these gay men in hopes to convert them but what happens is a blossoming friendship between the two which ends up radicalising her against what is happening to gay men in this place.

It's such an interesting relationship as it echoes a lot of queer men's experiences who have really formative relationships with straight women even now and it's a testament to how important these are to gay men. It's even more interesting considering she was a black woman which as the director noted there were no accounts of how these women felt but the small exploration of the intersectionality between oppressed people was beautifully written.

I seriously adored this film, and thought it was such a fascinating story of the facets of queerness, that not everything is just dark or light, that even in the darkest moments there is still moments of brightness. The ending echoes this sentiment, despite being so incredibly dark, it attempts to look for the light, even if that light doesn't really exist. Some could argue it's just empty, that's it's glossing over what actually happens, but maybe that's the point, maybe the truth is too dark for us